German Stoplights

Farm Disc Golf

I was in the San Angelo area this weekend for a family reunion and my grandfather's 90th birthday party.

I brought my discs and my brothers and I played farm disc golf. Instead of baskets, we played telephone poles, trees, and fence posts. Click on the picture above for more farm disc golf pictures.

My Brother, Clint, Wins Golf Tournament For Second Straight Year

He's now the two time defending champion of Kerrville's Firecracker open.

Here's the story.

Congrats, Clint!

65 At McClain

CoryS shot a 64 yesterday at McClain. I came back today with a 65. If I hadn't have blown up on hole 17, I would have beat Cory's score!

100 New Sayings For the Future

In another life, I invented the words "woot" and "booya". Don't believe me? Read this FAQ entry.

These two words proved to be very popular and wildly successful. Recently, I've returned to experimenting with sounds, words, and meanings. I hope to add to the richness of the English language.

What follows are the best of the new sayings that I've come up with. Feel free to incorporate them in your daily conversations. It's inevitable that about 70% of these will catch on and enter common usage.

1. Don't throw a fish down that well.
2. He sweats like a clown.
   
3. You lie like Noam Chomsky.
4. Your head is a watermelon.
5. A recently kissed shark will sometimes bite your head off.
6. Small things are sometimes tiny.
   
7. The rooster crows for you.
8. I will dance in your empty grave.
9. Yo soy mas grande del mundo por la vaca!
10. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to see the sunrise.
11. Fools devour wise words like potato chips.
12. Nacho cheese isn't just for nachos.
13. He's invisible, like a thundercloud.
14. Stupid always wins.
15. Evil is not good.
    
16. Chew your food like you mean it.
17. A Christmas tree is no substitute for a square meal.
18. Your face is not my face.
19. The biggest monkey is not always the smartest.
20. Smile or I'll tell you a joke.
21. Lightening makes thunder and thunder is a sound.
22. When painting a fence, don't forget to paint the gate.
23. A whale can't climb a mountain.
24. Mi casa es where I live.
25. An acorn can feed an army.
26. Worms eat the dead.
27. When you live in a house, rain hits your roof.
28. Snakes don't have any limbs.
29. Too many people wear sweaters.
30. Clear is not a color.
31. Bridges are built to be crossed more than once.
32. A river is no place for a party.
33. When you dance with the devil, you dance to his music.
34. Children are small humans.
35. What do you know about the impossible?
36. You can't cheat reality.
37. Nobody likes a whiner.
38. Punch me in the face again and you'll see what you get.
39. Think like an Egyptian.
40. Science isn't your pet.
    
41. Do the math first.
42. The clocks are against you.
43. They don't serve salsa at nice places like this.
44. I'll beat you like an octopus.
45. Danger is no concern of mine.
46. It isn't your birthday.
47. I hope you topple
48. Lions don't eat ice cream.
49. Mushrooms inhabit your mind.
50. My dog sometimes gets out of the yard.
51. When the wind blows, the trees tremble.
52. I'm not going ask more than five times.
53. Dark nights are common.
54. My turtle has come out of its shell.
55. Tornadoes mean business.
56. Believe in Santa and you'll get presents.
57. Hurricanes don't sneak up on people anymore.
58. Ants work together.
59. I don't believe in magic spiders.
60. Scoreboards keep track of the score.
61. "Murder" is such an ugly word.
62. The World will hear of this!
63. Do you think you can hide under a turnip?
64. Farmers don't drive on the wrong side of the road.
65. Australia is a long ways away.
66. I'll step on your credit cards.
67. How many kittens must die?
68. Right is right.
69. I don't remember people without faces.
70. Step on that stone and you'll fall on your face.
71. Open both eyes next time.
72. My guess is better than your guess.
73. Stop talking about rabbits.
74. Don't try to put eyeglasses on a duck.
75. Lose that grin.
76. A barn is no place for a newborn.
77. I'm not asking for slices of cheese.
78. I'll make your river flow backwards.
79. The future is unpredictable.
    
80. I can't remember how many times I punched that gnome.
81. My snake isn't amused.
82. We don't want to wake the dragon, do we?
83. Don't tell me about your apples.
84. Children can't build skyscrapers.
85. You're playing with a chessboard of fear.
86. Crystals make poor pillows.
87. A stadium is no place to take a nap.
88. Don't walk like I walk.
89. Let the leprechaun think whatever he wants to think.
90. Why do you get to pick the colors of the rainbow?
91. A unicorn can only count to one.
92. What do you do with eighty cans of beans?
93. Rain doesn't fall into the sky.
94. Butterflies like flowers don't they?
95. As we speak so also we hear.
96. My mind doesn't have room for that nonsense.
97. When you run out of rope, keep climbing.
98. Tell your boss to talk to my boss.
99. John Wayne didn't wear tights.
100. Your soul is in jeopardy.

George Washington Versus Noam Chomsky

Lookalike?

For some reason, MattS from work thinks I look like the guy above from this music video. I don't really see it. I'm always fully clothed when I play my keytar.

Ochocorn Picture

At work today, for some unknown reason somebody mentioned the fabled eight horned unicorn, the "ochocorn".

Well, it just so happens that I have a picture of this creature. I took it at my grandparent's farm some time ago.

This image is undoctored. I uploaded it straight from my camera to Flickr. The picture didn't pass "Go" and it didn't collect $200.

I feel honored to have seen this ochocorn. Not even the great Noam Chomsky claims to have seen one (but who would believe him if he made such a claim anyway?)!

My Greatest Insult

Today, one of the guys at work said that I, meaning me (Greg Lange), lie more than Noam Chomsky.

That is pretty much the gravest insult I've ever received.

Noam Chomsky is a horrible person whose very milieu is the lie (and the big lie) (and the repeated lie) (and proof by assertion) (and hating the good for being good) (and advocating socialism) (and the abuse of "logic").

Noam Chomsky swims in lies. Noam Chomsky can't get out of bed in the morning without lying. Noam Chomsky's lies are cited by "scholars" to support yet more lies (the Wikipedia article says he's the eighth most-cited scholar ever). Noam Chomsky is the root of entire universe of lies.

I could spend the rest of my life lying with every word that I utter and I would not be responsible for more lies than Noam Chomsky.

If you don't know who Noam Chomsky is, you can think of him this way. Think about the most evil people that have ever lived and think of what those people have done. Think about Adolf Hitler, Pol Pot, Mao Tse-tung, Joseph Stalin, Vlad Tepes, and Immanuel Kant. Now, add Noam Chomsky to that list and you'll have Noam Chomsky properly classified in your mind.

If you'd like to stare into the face of madness, watch some of these videos.

In particular, watch this video. The key thing to watch for is at the very beginning. Do you know what he's drinking out of that tiny cup? That's right. He's consuming pure evil.

Disc Golf Victory

In an effort reminiscent of Tiger Woods' recent US Open victory, I hobbled around the O'Conner disc golf course on my sprained ankle and shot a 72. My nearest "competitor" shot a 79. That's right. I crushed them on one leg. Woot!

Any of My Readers Work in a Place Like This?

Are there really workplaces like the one described here?

There is Nothing More Beautiful Than a Sprained Ankle

People who spend their lives sitting on the couch don't get sprained ankles.

Small Danger

Astros Have a Rough Game

Check out this screenshot of ESPN's scoreboard page for the Astros/Yankees game today.

The Astros aren't doing very well. Somehow, in the 7th, they scored -1 runs. I've never seen a team score a negative run. I imagine what happened is that one of the Astros hit a home run and ran all the way around the bases in the wrong direction, that is, the player ran from home to third to second to first and then back home. That player will probably need to be coached up some. I hope it wasn't Lance Berkman.

Tess, Laughing

Gina's nieces got Tess to laugh today. This is very frustrating to me. I've tried some of my most sophisticated pieces of humor on her and I haven't even gotten a giggle.

The Red Button

Equipment Upgrade

I got this Wacom pen tablet tonight to help me produce my hugely popular Internet comic. Expect the quality of the art in the comic to increase dramatically and its humor content to stay unbelievable.

My Bad

In an oversight of epic proportions, I wasn't subscribed to MichaelB's blog. That has now been fixed. Unfortunately, MichaelB is scheduled to move on to a better place. That's right. He's dying. I expect his blogging to tail off somewhat.

Madness

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

I'm going to review You Don't Mess with the Zohan without even seeing it. Here's my review:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 44 times, shame on you, again.

Here's all you need to know about Adam Sandler:

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/adam_sandler/

He has a 7% career rating on Rotten Tomatoes (ouch).