Wednesday, July 9, 2008

100 New Sayings For the Future

In another life, I invented the words "woot" and "booya". Don't believe me? Read this FAQ entry.

These two words proved to be very popular and wildly successful. Recently, I've returned to experimenting with sounds, words, and meanings. I hope to add to the richness of the English language.

What follows are the best of the new sayings that I've come up with. Feel free to incorporate them in your daily conversations. It's inevitable that about 70% of these will catch on and enter common usage.
  1. Don't throw a fish down that well.
  2. He sweats like a clown.
  3. You lie like Noam Chomsky.
  4. Your head is a watermelon.
  5. A recently kissed shark will sometimes bite your head off.
  6. Small things are sometimes tiny.
  7. The rooster crows for you.
  8. I will dance in your empty grave.
  9. Yo soy mas grande del mundo por la vaca!
  10. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to see the sunrise.
  11. Fools devour wise words like potato chips.
  12. Nacho cheese isn't just for nachos.
  13. He's invisible, like a thundercloud.
  14. Stupid always wins.
  15. Evil is not good.
  16. Chew your food like you mean it.
  17. A Christmas tree is no substitute for a square meal.
  18. Your face is not my face.
  19. The biggest monkey is not always the smartest.
  20. Smile or I'll tell you a joke.
  21. Lightening makes thunder and thunder is a sound.
  22. When painting a fence, don't forget to paint the gate.
  23. A whale can't climb a mountain.
  24. Mi casa es where I live.
  25. An acorn can feed an army.
  26. Worms eat the dead.
  27. When you live in a house, rain hits your roof.
  28. Snakes don't have any limbs.
  29. Too many people wear sweaters.
  30. Clear is not a color.
  31. Bridges are built to be crossed more than once.
  32. A river is no place for a party.
  33. When you dance with the devil, you dance to his music.
  34. Children are small humans.
  35. What do you know about the impossible?
  36. You can't cheat reality.
  37. Nobody likes a whiner.
  38. Punch me in the face again and you'll see what you get.
  39. Think like an Egyptian.
  40. Science isn't your pet.
  41. Do the math first.
  42. The clocks are against you.
  43. They don't serve salsa at nice places like this.
  44. I'll beat you like an octopus.
  45. Danger is no concern of mine.
  46. It isn't your birthday.
  47. I hope you topple
  48. Lions don't eat ice cream.
  49. Mushrooms inhabit your mind.
  50. My dog sometimes gets out of the yard.
  51. When the wind blows, the trees tremble.
  52. I'm not going ask more than five times.
  53. Dark nights are common.
  54. My turtle has come out of its shell.
  55. Tornadoes mean business.
  56. Believe in Santa and you'll get presents.
  57. Hurricanes don't sneak up on people anymore.
  58. Ants work together.
  59. I don't believe in magic spiders.
  60. Scoreboards keep track of the score.
  61. "Murder" is such an ugly word.
  62. The World will hear of this!
  63. Do you think you can hide under a turnip?
  64. Farmers don't drive on the wrong side of the road.
  65. Australia is a long ways away.
  66. I'll step on your credit cards.
  67. How many kittens must die?
  68. Right is right.
  69. I don't remember people without faces.
  70. Step on that stone and you'll fall on your face.
  71. Open both eyes next time.
  72. My guess is better than your guess.
  73. Stop talking about rabbits.
  74. Don't try to put eyeglasses on a duck.
  75. Lose that grin.
  76. A barn is no place for a newborn.
  77. I'm not asking for slices of cheese.
  78. I'll make your river flow backwards.
  79. The future is unpredictable.
  80. I can't remember how many times I punched that gnome.
  81. My snake isn't amused.
  82. We don't want to wake the dragon, do we?
  83. Don't tell me about your apples.
  84. Children can't build skyscrapers.
  85. You're playing with a chessboard of fear.
  86. Crystals make poor pillows.
  87. A stadium is no place to take a nap.
  88. Don't walk like I walk.
  89. Let the leprechaun think whatever he wants to think.
  90. Why do you get to pick the colors of the rainbow?
  91. A unicorn can only count to one.
  92. What do you do with eighty cans of beans?
  93. Rain doesn't fall into the sky.
  94. Butterflies like flowers don't they?
  95. As we speak so also we hear.
  96. My mind doesn't have room for that nonsense.
  97. When you run out of rope, keep climbing.
  98. Tell your boss to talk to my boss.
  99. John Wayne didn't wear tights.
  100. Your soul is in jeopardy.

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