Things I Heard in a Getting Ready For the Birth of Your Baby Class Tonight

From the instructor:

1. One of my favorite topics is car seats.
2. Reality TV is scary, scary stuff.
3. They have partner Yoga for the guys.
4. There is a pets class, pets and your baby, another good class.
5. Every time a baby is born the hospital plays the Brahms Lullaby.
6. Every time you go through a stoplight do some Kegel exercises.
7. La Leche League is a Spanish language breastfeeding support group.
8. Babies don't need a lot of stuff.
9. Only pay attention to the advice of people with kids that you like to be around.
10. Another righteous concern!
11. And, by the way, you all look beautiful!
12. Breast feed like crazy and you'll be fine.
13. "Violating" is such a strong word.
14. Hot flashes is a thermal condition.
15. Pushing your baby out is not something that you should be afraid of.
16. We have breasts and breasts have the amazing capacity to make milk.
17. The uterus' first cousin is the bladder.
18. Some babies that are born early are all hairy and look like Chewbacca.
19. Stay fit and you'll never have to grow old.
20. Your cervix will dilate from the size of a Cheerio to the size of a small bagel.
21. Your water breaking could be like a big jar of pickles dropping on the floor.
    

From other people in the class:

1. My hobby is shopping.
2. Our dog sleeps with us and takes bathes with my wife.
3. I'm worried about my baby being born with a tail or missing fingers or toes.
4. I like to sing to the baby and it jumps around like it's dancing.
5. I'm asleep and I wake up to him rubbing lotion on me.
6. During birth, where do the fluids go?
7. I heard that if you have a lot of heartburn your baby will come out hairy?
8. Are those child bearing hips?
9. I've heard there are pills to make you happy during childbirth?